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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in jso123's LiveJournal:

    Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
    12:13 am
    Seeking a Simpler Summary
    I need the mercy and grace of God.

    Previously when I met with potential supporters of the new ministry I rambled too much.

    I have been working for many hours to prepare a BRIEF presentation.

    I have reviewed dozens of pages of notes and created many more.

    I have made lots of Power Point slides and could create many more.

    The vision for the ministry is huge and complex so only God can put that in to a nutshell.

    I need the presence and anointing of God Almighty to guide me.

    I need a strong start, an orderly middle and an appealing conclusion.

    A few more diagrams could be used as visual aids to focus the prospect’s attention.

    I have set a few appointments and need the courage to set many more.

    Practice and feedback will surely lead to improvements.
    Saturday, December 17th, 2005
    11:20 am
    Seeking God about 3 Foci
    I need to seek God more earnestly in general and particularly this season.

    Over the previous thirty years the greatest transformations have come after seeking God very earnestly for a season.

    Usually this was for guidance or the solution to a problem.

    Presently there are three major foci

    1) facing my fears by taking bold and courageous steps of action to overcome my chronic procrastination about going to meet with prospective donors to the new ministry. I need to briefly show and tell the Big Picture vision and the practical projects that will get us from here to there. Then I need to ask them for a generous contribution. Their funds will be used by God to create four communication bridges. These bridges will systematically harness the communication technologies that businesses are using. Our mission is to better connect the Body of Christ locally and globally. Over these bridges will flow the truth and love of God in the forms of information, education and networking contacts. The innovative web platform and quarterly CDs will effectively bring together people, resources and opportunities. God will be glorified as His people bears much spiritual fruit in the arenas of benevolence, evangelism and discipleship.
    2) begin to work with a bookkeeper to keep track of my personal finances and those of the ministry. God has sent a woman who is currently doing books for a ministry and was formerly a missionary.
    3) enroll some spiritually mature Christians to come along the side of my neighbor who is a disabled veteran with various medical challenges.

    WOW I have NEVER written such a BRIEF summary of the ministry.
    Friday, December 16th, 2005
    4:13 pm
    WHAM
    WHAM … I Hit a Wall
    December 16, 2005

    Today is payday. My paycheck was nearly a hundred dollars less because I lost two shifts of work when the seminary was closed due to the sleet.

    Then when I went to deposit the check I asked the teller to first cash the check and then deposit it so that the funds will be available right away instead of waiting over the weekend for it to clear. I have a little Christmas shopping to do and I need groceries.

    I knew that the balance was close. But what I did not know is that it was overdrawn. I thought I had been monitoring the account closely online but I was wrong.

    Helping my neighbor recently had mentally and emotionally distracted me. Plus I do not keep super accurate financial records.

    For the last few days Shebaa has had horrible medical challenges. She ran out of medications. Thus she could not sleep or eat due to the pain, ulcers and nightmares. Plus at the first of the week she could not breathe until her asthma mist persecution was refilled. I had helped her out and overextended myself in the process.

    For many years I have been able to juggle my bills mostly in my head. My income and expenses were simple and about the same each month. I have used an Excel spreadsheet off and on for a few years. This has given me a better view of what is coming. Then a friend created another spreadsheet at the start of December that would do various calculations. It will give me a running balance plus notice the percentages of each category.

    The bad news is that I have not been using these tools. It is like getting some excellent home gym equipment promoted from an infomercial but never use it. Benefits come from the consistent use of tools not just their possession.

    BOOKKEEPER
    I said earlier that I needed to work with a bookkeeper for both my personal and the ministry records. That is a wonderful plan that I had neglected to execute. God has brought a wonderful person into my life that will fill this bill. She works full time at the seminary. And part time she does books for a business and a ministry. Also she and her husband had been missionaries. So that is another big plus. I talked with her this afternoon and I plan to get her my financial records next week.

    We will use Quick Books Online www.quickbooksonline.com This will allow the bookkeeper to access the records as well as me and the board members. This also has ways to generate reports for donors as well as the government.

    Also in the providence of God the leader of my small group is a retired CPA. I have a meeting scheduled with him next week on Wednesday at 1130. May God use him to provide the advice needed in this initial stage of the ministry.

    CHALLENGES
    The challenges now are to
    1) get really clear about where I stand financially at present including bills that are coming due before the next paycheck,
    2) do what it takes to enroll the bookkeeper in effectively assisting with my personal and ministry financial records
    3) use a system of wise priorities to get into the habit of making face-to-face fund raising presentations.

    I still have many names to enter the database of possible people for presentations. These need to be organized in terms of those who
    1) can give a large amount to get the ministry launched
    2) can introduce me to major donors
    3) can give me honest feedback to improve the presentation

    I need to use my time most wisely in setting and going on the appointments. The outline of the presentation for the Quarterly CDs needs to be completed by midnight on Saturday. Then the visual aids will be developed to support the message.

    I need the grace and mercy of God Almighty to get through this transition.

    I ask for your earnest prayers.
    Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
    2:37 pm
    Need to consistently look to Jesus in all my life

    had another great meeting with my accountability partner today we went on our weekly long walk ... I told him about all my struggles and victories ...

    making good progress in keeping my daily and weekly tasks organized by priorities ... this is new and useful for me ...

    paycheck on Friday will relieve short term cash flow pinch ...

    still need to be diligent to finish going through the pile of business cards and other lists of people to input all the possible donors ... then prioritize these and then call for appointments ...

    right now I have two appointments set for next week ... I need to set more appointments ASAP ...

    when I get out there and really meet with people then the presentation will improve with practice ... sooner than later the funds will be raised ... the money stress will be less as the ministry moves forward
    Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
    10:44 am
    Been enjoying MUCH amazing PEACE in my mind, emotions and body from the absence of lust.

    Cash flow is very tight still. God is using this to motivate me to face my fears about setting appointments for fund raising.

    Been receiving more valuable ideas for harnessing the web to edify and equip the saints after the web platform is in place.

    During the holiday break I will put a few examples online to help attract major donations.

    For weeks I have been also wrestling with depression and despair due to the stuckness of the ministry.

    Hopefully the light will begin to dawn on that darkness soon.
    Thursday, December 8th, 2005
    8:04 am
    Today
    I am currently focusing on fund raising for the unfolding ministry by gathering and organizing names of prospective donors and calling to set appointments.

    Also I am sifting through my many notes to create a brief presentation that I will share with them face to face.
    Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
    9:30 am
    DARKEST BEFORE THE LIGHT
    I grow weary of the internal struggle and external challenges. Lately I have been more than normally depressed and bumping despair.

    Several times each day and night I struggle with willingness to continue living. I long to be freed from these internal conflicts between the flesh and the spirit.

    For three decades I have prayed, researched and prepared to go into ministry. I have taken all sorts of actions. I have learned many wonderful lessons. I have hundreds of pages of lovely plans. I have heard every flavor of Christian advice. But the bottom line is that there has been no launch yet.

    I realize that this is just another valley that is full of lessons.

    I am making steady progress, but yuck.

    Most of the committed Christians I know are having terrible trails too.

    Last night I learned that Shebaa did not get the job as a filing clerk due to a last minute glitch with her ID. It will hopefully get straighten out next week but they say the post will be filled. That is about the fifth job she has almost gotten in 6 months. Today she is going to an agency that will help her get a job. I admire her attitude and actions.

    The Holy Spirit keeps prompting me to connect Shebaa with a few women in the church I am joining. These women can uphold her in prayer. They can talk with her on the phone to encourage and disciple her. They can be used of God to assist financially too. May Jesus lead me to the right women. Note that I have invited about a dozen others before who said yes but never called or visited.

    I have been more involved in regular spiritual disciplines than in nearly all my 30 years as a Christian. Yet instead of victories I find how much my flesh nature resists walking continually in the Holy Spirit. I am taking an online Bible study with Setting Captives Free http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/course/ for a long time. Recently the emphasis has been on Romans chapters 6 and 7. This has been a timely study for me.

    During the next week or two I hope to complete a few major projects that are central to the launching of the ministry. At one level it makes sense that the enemy would send extra attacks during this season. He cannot cause me to disobey God but he can attempt to distract my attention so that I miss the mark.

    God has been reminding my heart of the verse that unless the Lord builds the house then those who labor do so in vain. I have had personal experiences and many observations that God take a person to their limits and beyond them using circumstances. Then when the person and everyone around them is sure that the solution must come from God He sends it right on time. Thus Jesus Christ gets all the glory and no flesh can boast. Surely that is what He is doing in my life.

    From another view there is a saying that it is darkest before the light.

    My current cash flow is thin. But then that has happened for most of my adult life. It is unpleasant but not unusual. God will make a way for my real needs to be met yet again. And what turns up the heat for me is that Christmas is coming plus the end of the year. There is a brief window of opportunity before people get involved in the Christmas family matters. It would be wise for me to make presentations to key people before then.

    My aim is to raise several thousand dollars in the next two weeks. That will allow me to make major progress during the lull time from before Christmas until the middle of January. Then in mid-January there will be an initial example of the first quarterly CD to share with intercessor, advisors and donors.

    Watch for specific prayer requests during the coming days. That will help get the momentum going to raise the needed seed capital.
    Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
    7:24 pm
    I have been changing home church so lately I have been getting to know new people in Sunday school class, small group and congregation. T took the new members class and will meet with an elder and deacon soon before formally joining.

    The Christmas parties and other activities are helping me to meet many people quickly.

    This was a right and timely change for me. I was going to a small church that was not sure what to do about me and this large church is very active in ways that are aligned with my spiritual gifts.

    I am seeking intercessors, advisors and donors for the launch of the innovative ministry Four Bridges www.fourbridges.org many will come from the church I am joining and the seminary where I work.

    I already have web sites and blogs associated with the new ministry. There are a few more key parts to be added. The main focus for the launch is to produce quarterly CDs that have plenty of well organized information, education and networking contacts.

    My greatest challenge is to quickly develop a short presentation to take to share with prospective donors face-to-face. I need to move forward and learn by doing instead of excessively preparing.
    Monday, November 7th, 2005
    11:05 pm
    CHANGING MY HOME CHURCH
    I have been a member of Mesquite Bible Church www.mesquitebible.org for about two years. And I am in the process of changing my membership to Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCPC) www.pcpc.org

    Next weekend I will attend the Intro to PCPC Classes. This is the time they give an overview of what they believe and how they practice their faith.

    I know several coworkers and students at the seminary where I am employed that are members at PCPC. One of the biggest differences between a Bible Church and a Presbyterian church is dispensation verses covenant theology. I will be exploring those issues. Several people on the staff of PCPC are DTS grads so somehow they have made peace with that issue.


    REASONS
    When I informed my pastor and small group members of my change I mentioned these main reasons EVANGELISM, BENEVOLENCE, . ENTREPRENEURIAL, DONORS and SMALL GROUP.


    EVANGELISM
    After Hurricane Katrina there was a huge out pouring of help from believers and unbelievers alike. For more than a month after the incident I was all over the web researching what needed to be done and what was happening in the DFW area as well as along the Gulf Coast. There was chaos and confusion all over the place. I book marked more than 300 sites that presented parts of the overall solution. I created an initial web site to serve as a networking hub and information clearinghouse www.OurResponse.org

    When I examined many dozens of church web sites during that month only TWO indicated that this was divine opportunity to ALSO share the gospel message. One of those was in Mobile Alabama and the other was PCPC. I had signed up on the PCPC site http://www.pcpcrelief.org/ to volunteer. I was invited to attend a training for those they were matching in a 4 to 1 ratio with screened evacuee families. The importance of gracefully presenting the gospel was mentioned repeatedly. In the welcome kits there was a full Bible and an Evangecube http://www.evangecube.org God used me to bring a few hundred gospels of John called Living Water to add to the gifts www.livingwater.org

    All the Bible churches were silent on this critical topic. I felt hurt then but in hindsight I am not shocked. I have talked several times with the professor of evangelism and professor of missions at the seminary. I have felt deep pains that those who know so much about the Bible and theology make such a small application of what the Word clearly says. I met with these two men when I was at my lowest points. This was a few times a year for six years. I do not recall anything they said that helped change my outlook or attitude. They just said this is the way it is.

    I fully expected that it would take many months before we reached the state of peace and stability for the evacuees we have today. That work was not lost. That is just a rough sketch of all that will be needed in the wake of the future hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, mudslides and tsunamis. From that came the resurrection of the concept to send out quarterly CDs. I will work with volunteers who will go back to those 300 sites and develop more width and depth to the ministry.

    In the Sunday school class I visited they had several phone stations set up to take inbound calls for an evangelism ministry called Need Him http://www.needhimresources.com I know that any church of individual can be set up to take calls forwarded to them from people that are seeking answers to spiritual questions. Need Him offers great training for free. They always need more volunteers. I have helped to promote this ministry before and most churches that are approached by them never do anything.



    BENEVOLENCE
    I have been working diligently for many years to prepare ways to take biblical Christianity to cyberspace in a way that is innovative, interactive and collaborative. Evangelism has been a part of that mix. Partly the web links can be used to answer the various questions that seekers have. Also it can be used to equip believers to communicate more clearly with those they know personally. For example apologetics is a complicated and critical subject needed in reaching the younger generation. Very few churches teach these lessons and the seminary offers very little contrasted to the scope of the entire field. Yet there are dozens of sites that have done an excellent job addressing one part.

    Discipleship is also a huge and complex field. I have hundreds of pages of notes and outlines that will become part of the guts of the interactive web sites. The user will not see this. But the web designers and programmers need this kind of input to craft an excellent site.

    Along the way I kept bumping into what I call biblical benevolence. I have collected dozens of Bible verses that I believe are applicable to New Testament believers. However I have rarely heard them taught or preached. I have less often seen the verses applied on an individual or church wide basis. For several months I would spend my Sunday afternoons invested in collecting and organizing these verses. Then I began to write an essay. It keeps getting wider and deeper. I am not yet ready to release it.

    Before Hurricane Katrina I would mention this to anyone that would listen. I got some nodding heads from seminary students and seasoned church members. But no one could explain why it was so absent in our collective or individual expression of faith.

    When there was a massive outpouring of help after Katrina and later Rita I rejoiced deep inside my soul. At last I was witnessing what the Bible said. There were one million people displaced. Tens of thousands of these came to DFW Metroplex. My hope was that in the coming months Christians can at last learn how to share their material goods in the name of Jesus. But what I did not expect was for president Bush to get he congress to come up with so many billion dollars so fast.

    The shelters were emptied fairly quickly. The people moved into apartments and trailers funded by FEMA. The needs for food and clothes dissolved fast. For a few weeks there was a call for furniture. Then there was no more call for help. So the Bible churches shut down operations. Yet PCPC continues to help. They are calling for coats and warm clothes. They are gradually phasing out the assistance from the host families. They have a concert scheduled for the evacuees and host families. And they are sending work teams to the impacted area. Partly they can do all this due to their size but mostly it is their heart. I know of huge Bible churches that have zero follow through.

    And PCPC set up a warehouse in cooperation with a Baptist church and a liberal Presbyterian church. That screamed volumes to me. I have never understood why Christians would not cross denominational lines for such common community projects.

    Before I considered not only changing my church membership but also my denominational affiliation I explored the church’s site and their mother denomination site. http://www.pcanet.org/ this was to make sure this was normal for them and it is. They call it mercy ministry instead of what I call benevolence.

    What I found locally is an on-going outreach to West Dallas http://www.pcpcmissions.org/wdf/ and other community outreaches http://www.pcpcmissions.org/communityoutreach/aboutco.asp

    What I found nationally is Mission to North America Disaster Response http://www.pca-mna.org/disasterministries/disaster.htm this is how they respond to all kinds of disasters. And there are other mercy ministries http://www.pca-mna.org/mercy%20ministries/mercy.htm

    What I found internationally is Street Child http://www.streetchildinternational.org/ medical missions http://tinyurl.com/978nq

    It is now my hope that as I mention the importance of including benevolence (mercy) with evangelism on the brand new web platform I will get more than blank stares and nodding heads.


    ENTREPRENEURIAL
    I get the sense that the many of the members and leaders of PCPC have more of an entrepreneurial mindset than where I was a member before. Most middle class folks seem to somehow make ends meet from month to month. But they rarely consider the long term or big picture. However if a person owns a business or has considerable investments then they must look beyond the short term.

    What I need in the short term and long term is advisors. I am in the process of pioneering a work in cyberspace that is unlike anything that exists today www.fourbridges.org . In many ways I am like William Carey who pioneered missions in India and Hudson Taylor who pioneered missions in China.

    There is no person that I can model or follow. But I can call upon those who have experience and education in key disciplines like Strategic Planning, Project Management, Fund Raising, Curriculum Design, Web Development, Database Management and Volunteer Management. I have a web site just for advisors and consultants http://4badvisorsconsultants.homestead.com/

    My dream is to have enough budget to hire top quality consultants to address key problems and questions. And then take their recommendations to an active Board of Advisors who will work with the paid staff, many volunteer teams and me. We pray, share and take the consultants excellent inputs to make them into a reality.

    I need interaction with advisors. My leadership style is collaborative.

    Then with their advice the large and small donations to the ministry will follow. For example I have struggled for many years to write a business plan for the ministry. I have dozens of guidelines and many partial drafts. But there has never been a document that could be mistaken for a real business plan yet. A large part of a business plan is the budget. During this start-up phase there is no track record of previous donations and expenses to use. This is a pioneering work so there is no other ministry budget to adapt.

    My game plan today is to go out on the fund raising trail very soon. I will take my passion, vision and plans. I shall tell the initial donors that part of their money will go to hire a consultant to help craft the initial business plan. That document can be used by God to more easily persuade the next round of donors to give generously.

    But that is not the end of the story. I have always wanted to have a dynamic document at the hub of the operations. This will be frequently revised and improved. It will be used to help us enroll and coordinate with various others over the Internet. I cannot afford the hire


    DONORS
    God has provided me with two accountability partners that I have talked with seperately and at length several times a month for years. They know all about the ministry and my personal challenges. Along the way the topic of finding a home church has been discussed.

    As I consider why others choose a home church, the reasons include good preaching, good teaching, good worship, good fellowship, opportunities to minister, seeking a spouse, good programs for children, etc. Yet none those appeal to me today. Thankfully God has granted me plenty of friends and an abundance of opportunities to minister. During the last thirty years of study I have a fairly good foundation for my faith. And I invest many hours a week with a variety of spiritual inputs. I do not depend on a few minutes on Sunday morning for all my spiritual food for the week. Worship is wonderful. But for many years I have been stuck in the same rut.

    It has gotten to where I hate to hear myself say that the next goal is to raise 40 thousand dollars for launch the ministry. There many ways to keep it funded after it gets going. I have attended dozens of fund raising lunches and seminars over the years. I kept the handouts. My challenge is to apply what I know.

    Most of the fund raising seminars were for those secular people that worked full time for hospitals, museums, universities, private schools, etc. They said that when a nonprofit needs to make a major addition to the infrastructure like a building, computer lab, major medical machine, etc that is when it is wisest to approach the major donors. These few people are the ones that write large checks to take the enterprise to the next level.

    I have known to do that for many years. You may be tired of reading about this. But deep inside I am frightened. I am at the season of my life that I MUST face my fears and just do it.

    This particular church is very large and it is located in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods of the region. For example across the street for the church was the Mercedes Benz dealership that also sold Rolls Royce. These people have the means to write large checks without it hurting their lifestyle. I need to make it my business to get to know them and to let them get to know me. Sooner than later the initial funds will be raised. Then Four Bridges will begin to take shape by way of the quarterly CDs and web platform.

    Then on another level it is important in this season of my life to get to know personally what wealthy Christians like and dislike in terms of appeals to donate to nonprofits. I have some preconceptions but these are based on speculation and rumor.

    I need to talk with those who can contribute much into the kingdom of God and are willing to do that. This relates to how I will design and operate the Four Bridges Ministry. Over the last six years I have come to know dozens of international seminary students and those that are preparing to go into missions work. These wonderful people spend most of their time and energy keeping up with their studies. They do not understand the basics of fund raising. I have helped many to prepare their first newsletter.

    Long ago God led me to set up a web site just for major donors http://majordonors.homestead.com/



    SMALL GROUP
    This is a mega church so I know from previous experiences that it is critical to get connected into a suitable Sunday school class and small group. I am in the process of seeking these. And quickly along this journey I came across Men’s Fraternity http://pcpcmensfraternity.com/about/ They meet early Monday mornings and have a small group as part of the way to deal with mens issues. I have only attended a few times but I have greatly enjoyed it.
    Sunday, September 25th, 2005
    7:13 pm
    My Purposes for Using Live Journal
    This is my first journal entry here.

    Today there are a few purposes for using this service.

    1. PERSONAL

    I know from experience and reading that journaling is VERY therapeutic. I have journaled before when I was passing through difficulties. The very actions of putting my thoughts and feelings into words helped me. This gave them expression. They were no longer bumping around inside of me.

    The image I have used for this is like a ping-pong ball in an empty coffee can that rattles loudly. When the journal entry is made then THAT ping-pong ball is removed. There is a season of peace before another makes noise in the mind and/or emotions.

    I LOVE to write and invest many hours a week into this activity. I have advised many people at the seminary where I work to use journaling when they are passing through unpleasant transitions. And as I said that I have meant to do it myself. BUT I never seemed to get around to it over these last few years.

    So HOPEFULLY this will become a place and a way to practice what I preach. It would be wonderful to get into that HABIT.

    There are many and various people from all kinds of fields that kept journals. In autobiographies they wrote they indicated how valuable these were.

    What makes journaling especially valuable for me is that the nature of the path that I am on involves PIONEERING innovative uses of communication technologies. I am boldly going where no person has gone before in designing synergistic systems of online and offline communications.

    You can go to these websites to see what I mean www.OurResponse.org and www.FourBridges.org

    Along the way there are ALL kinds of internal hopes, fears, doubts, expectations, etc. SO here is a place to express some of that.

    2. PRAYER SUPPORT
    What I have learned over the years is that it is very important to enroll prayer support along this journey. I have gotten into the habit of making my request known in various formats. And along the way I have witnessed AMAZING answers to prayers.

    There are SOME intercessors that want more than just the surface requests and testimonies. They want to know what is going on inside of me in the complex processes involved in launching an innovative educational nonprofit. So HERE is a place to let them take a look inside of John.


    3. LEAD BY EXAMPLE
    The new web site www.OurResponse.org it intended to serve the evacuees, host families and those who rebuild.

    There were 250,000 people that came to Texas as they evacuated for Hurricane Katrina. More than a million evacuated Galveston and Houston. There were those who spent untold hours in gridlock traffic on the highways.

    There were rescue workers and reporters that had been through many hurricanes before yet some said Katrina was the worst.

    These people saw, heard and felt things that wounded them deeply. Normally the body and mind goes into shock in order to allow it to deal with the survival matters at hand.

    The emergency has past. The Katrina evacuees are out of the shelters and into host homes, apartments or trailers. The Rita evacuees will be settled soon.

    There are not nearly enough professional counselors to meet all these needs. So During the coming weeks and months Our Compassionate Response will guide people to online articles, recommended books & videos, plus other resources. One of the simplest and most affordable things that anyone that is processing such pains can do is to express their thoughts and feelings in an on-going journal.

    Live Journal is one of the services that will be suggested. This can both serve to allow the persons to express themselves as well as use the various filter options to select who can read what entries.

    Today my plan is to use Live Journal as needed during the bumpy path ahead. I will be sharing my entries with intercessors. Also I will be learning first hand how this interface works. I plan to use the free service for a long while and eventually get the paid service. Then I can speak from experience about each option.
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